Taking a Leap of Faith

So you are ready to make a change. Congratulations! Whether big or small, changes can be challenging because they force us to get out of our comfort zone and shake up the life we are used to. I am taking a leap of faith myself. I want to share with you my journey and the reminders that have helped me stay confident along the way.

In seven short weeks, I will be packing a backpack and leaving the country. My husband, who inspired this trip, myself, and my adventure-loving dog will be heading to Italy to live and work on a farm. Five years ago when this idea first took hold I immediately nixed any possibility of it becoming a reality. I had too many fears, doubts, and ideas about how terrible this would be for me and my career. Two years later, when I first traveled to Europe, I saw the potential and embraced the vision. Part of life is about taking chances and making big changes with the hope that it will be spectacular. It is okay to be a little apprehensive, but I challenged myself to not let that fear dictate my life.

Maybe you are thinking I am nuts (I don't blame you) or maybe you are thinking I am brave (which I have come to believe myself). It takes a certain amount of bravery to take a leap of faith, no matter how life-altering.

Here are the things I have reminded myself of while going through this journey.

Before the leap:

1. Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? This is always a good starting point and something I frequently ask when I am making any change, big or small. If the answer is detrimental to my well-being or will have a negative impact on my future, I will not do it. If the worst that can happen is that I fall and need to pick myself back up, I know I have done that before, and I feel confident that I can do it again.
2. Trust your gut. It is okay to feel anxious. I don't know about you, but when I am about to make a change, I tend to get anxious. Anxiety is completely normal and acceptable to experience when you are in the midst of a change. My body has a very good way of communicating to me whether that anxiety is "good" as in excitement or "bad" as in doubt. If you are attuned to the difference in these feelings this gut instinct can help guide you to the right decision.
3. Talk to like-minded people and do your research. In the end, you are the one ultimately making the decision. It is completely normal to put feelers out there to see if what you are trying to do is possible, especially in the early stages of your decision to make a change. Talking to people who are like-minded and doing research can help solidify your decision, but always remember to make the decision for yourself.
4. Don't let fear choose for you. Fear is an emotion that has the power to hold you back from pushing boundaries, exceeding limits, and growing. Maybe your biggest fear in making a big change is making a mistake or receiving judgment from others. Rather than letting that fear dictate your decision, again ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? Having a comprehensive understanding of the potential consequences of your choice will help you feel more confident in your decision making.

Once you have decided to jump:

1. Don't think about what may have been. Self-doubt, comparison, and worry take away from enjoying the decision you have already made. This will not be helpful to your end goal and will likely hold you back from embracing the change fully. Focus on the positives of the decision you have made and feel confident in it.
2. Believe in yourself! Know and trust that the decision you made was the right one for you. If you need reassurance, remember that you have weighed the options and thoughtfully decided to take this leap of faith.
3. Set up a support team to be champions for you. Ask for encouragement if you are feeling challenged, reach out for a boost if you need one, and share the excitement along the way. Be sure to surround yourself with people who are going to encourage and support you throughout this change.
4. Be mindful of how you are feeling along the way. Check in with yourself, especially when the transition is new. Take time to breathe it all in and enjoy the journey.

Remember, if you want something to change, you have to change something! Good luck on your journey. I am excited to keep you updated on mine.

Finding What Happiness Means to You

Happiness: we all want it, strive for it, and believe it is essential for a good life. If I asked you to describe what happiness is, what would you say? The problem is that most people do not individualize the meaning of happiness for their own lives.

Is it something tangible like having money, a healthy relationship, a great job? Is it something abstract like pleasure, peace, comfort? Happiness is unique to each person, rather than a generally agreed upon definition. When you can define your happy state of mind, you can channel it, and use it to your advantage.

The first question is asking yourself "what does happiness look like in my life?" Focusing on the things that bring pleasure, meaning, and fulfillment to your life will help you define your happy state of mind. Forget what happiness looks like to others, what society tells us happiness is, and any "shoulds" you have in your mind. By defining happiness in your own terms, you allow it to be a more naturally occurring emotion and state of being.

Some common areas to begin evaluating while you are searching for your happy are:

• Personal life
• Professional life
• Social life
• Physical health and wellness
• Finances
• Intimate relationships
• Family relationships
• Hobbies and activities

Maybe your happy state of mind is created by connecting with loved ones frequently, having downtime with your spouse, being outside and moving, challenging yourself with physical activities, being creative, and working in a field that gives back to others (or maybe I just described myself!). Once you have your working definition of happiness, use that information to create more happiness in your day to day routine. Happiness becomes something that you can create and appreciate rather than something you are simply working towards.

The next question to ask yourself is "what is a barrier to my happiness right now?" I hear too many people say "I'll be happy when: I have more money/I get married/I get promoted" placing the happiness in external factors rather than in your own, very capable hands. The issue with this is that it leaves us waiting to be happy. Maybe it is true that you will feel more fulfilled with a promotion/marriage/money. But why put off being happy until those things come? What if happiness occurred throughout the journey rather than only at the destination? When you are able to identify the barriers to your current happiness (feeling stuck at work, poor communication in relationships, not feeling challenged, etc.) come up with a game plan to make changes and get to your happy place.

The most important thing to remember when finding your happy is to strive for balance. Understand that happiness is not a constant state of mind--that is unrealistic. When you tell yourself that you "should" be happy all the time, you set yourself up for an unrealistic expectation and inevitable failure. Those people that seem happy all the time? They are not living in some perfect, stress-free alternate universe. Chances are they are choosing to adapt and cope with 'downs' as they come and enjoying the 'ups' more. It is unlikely that every single area of importance in your life will be at peak happiness levels all the time. That is okay! When things are rough in one area of your life, create happiness in other areas to balance it out. Once you begin thinking of happiness as something you can choose and create in your life, the balance becomes a lot easier.

Developing Weaknesses Into Strengths

Strengths and weaknesses are all a matter of perception. They have been established over the course of our lives by the feedback we receive from ourselves and those around us. The problem is, our current definition of weaknesses is very limiting and does not allow the potential for change. Instead of living by such strict definitions (strength=good, weakness=bad), what if you could redefine what strengths and weaknesses mean and learn how to utilize both strengths and weaknesses to accomplish personal goals?

First, I like to think of strengths as qualities within a person that they are comfortable with and that help them to excel personally and professionally (think: confidence or intelligence). Weaknesses are simply characteristics someone would like to improve upon because they create barriers to excelling personally and professionally (think: impatience or shyness). Alternatively, there are neutral traits that may fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum and do not necessarily help or harm (think: enthusiasm or seriousness). The dated notion that certain traits are permanent and "bad" creates the mindset that they cannot be changed. In actuality, any quality can be strengthened as long as you set your mind to making the change.

The second layer is to be mindful of the dual roles most traits possess. Confidence, for example, can be both a strength and a weakness, depending on the intensity of the trait, the person, and the situation. In a professional setting, high levels of confidence may be looked at as a strength and a necessary part of the position. In a personal setting, that same level of confidence may be a weakness and create distance in relationships. Instead of seeing traits only as strengths or weaknesses, I ask clients to be aware of the strengths within their weaknesses, the weaknesses within their strengths, and always aim to find the balance between the two.

Using your already established strengths and evolving your weaknesses as leverage to accomplish goals is the best, and most lasting way to long-term success. With some goals in mind, write out the strengths that will help you achieve those goals and the weaknesses that may get in the way. Next, think about the strengths within the weakness and develop an affirmation to remind yourself of what you are trying to accomplish.

Your list may look something like this:

1. Goal: Better time management
2. Strengths: I am self-motivated and have prioritized this goal as a necessity for more productivity in my professional life and more fulfillment in my personal life
3. Weaknesses: I can be impatient and self-critical
4. Strengths Within Weaknesses: I am good at measuring progress
5. Counterbalancing Affirmation: I recognize that my critical and impatient nature can knock me down if I'm not making progress fast enough so I will be mindful of when my progress is not meeting my expectations and remind myself that this goal may take time to accomplish

Remember, weaknesses are only as limiting as you allow them to be and strengths are only useful when you are allowing them to help. All it takes is determination and a shift in perspective to begin developing your weaknesses into newfound strengths.

Four Steps To Creating a Healthy Routine

Happy New Year! The beginning of a new year is seen as a fresh start with new possibilities and new goals. In developing your resolutions, I challenge you to think about new ways to break unhealthy habits and grow into healthy ones.

Habits are repetitive behaviors that we engage in continuously over a period of time. They can be both healthy and unhealthy and are developed consciously or unconsciously. It is important to be aware of the habits that we engage in routinely because those habits tend to dictate our lives.

Here are some examples of common unhealthy behaviors and tips on how to make positive changes. Even I am guilty of a few of these and work extra hard to be conscious of how these habits impact my life.

1. Being constantly connected to technology. I think we can all agree this is an extremely difficult habit to break, but one that has probably been at the top of your "goal" list at some point. Checking e-mails and social media sites numerous times a day takes you away from the present moment and can increase stress. Instead, set a goal for yourself to decrease the number of times you connect per day and aim to connect with yourself and those around you more than you check your phone.

2. Mindless tasks. On a day-to-day basis how frequently are you in autopilot mode? This is when you are not thinking about what you are doing and not paying attention to the small moments in your day-to-day routine. Think about what you were wearing yesterday or what you ate for dinner two nights ago. Can you remember these details? If not, chances are you are living in autopilot mode too much. Rather than living in this mindless, disconnected state, aim to give yourself breaks throughout the day where you take a breather and become mindful of what is around you.

3. Negative self-talk. That little voice in our head that tells us what we are thinking and feeling can be helpful and harmful. I'm sure you have had moments when you do something silly and think to yourself "what an idiot I am!" A little harsh, right? Judgmental, negative, harsh self-talk like this can breed self-doubt and decrease self-esteem. Try living by the rule of: If you would not say it to someone else, do not say it to yourself. 

Maybe you can relate to some or all of these examples and are asking yourself how to make a change. To begin breaking a habit, work through these four steps to make your healthy routine more natural.

Step 1: Awareness
The first step to replacing a bad habit is to be aware of it. You may jump to wanting to make an immediate change, but first it is important to evaluate the habit and get to know it better. How it affects you, when it occurs, and why it has developed into a pattern. In doing this, you connect more with yourself and increase your awareness of the habitual behavior.

Step 2: Planning
Once you have more awareness, make a plan for change. Maybe it is not realistic to say you will only check your e-mail once a day. That is ok! It is always better to be realistic with yourself and make incremental changes rather than drastic ones. Since you have become aware of the habit, you will be able to make a better assessment of how it needs to change and what is realistic.

Step 3: Accountability
The next step is to gain accountability. Whether this is from a friend, partner, or with the help of a daily reminder to yourself. Being held accountable makes it more likely that you will stick to a goal.

Step 4: Replace
Finally, look to replace an unhealthy habit with a healthier one. Rather than getting rid of an unhealthy habit all together and leaving the possibility for you to feel a void that needs to be filled, be proactive. For example, if you know you run on autopilot most often during the mid-day crash, set up a healthy habit to replace it. Take a 10-15 minute break for yourself to relax, breathe, and practice a little self-care.

Good luck in all of your resolutions!

5 Questions to Help You Improve Your Relationship With Yourself

We often prioritize the needs of other people in our lives letting our own needs fall by the wayside. In actuality, making yourself a priority creates more peace in your life and allows you to give to others in a more meaningful way. Challenge yourself to start improving your relationship with the most important person in your life (hint: it's you) by asking yourself these 5 questions.

1. How well do I know myself? I am not talking about how you like your coffee or whether you’re an early bird or a night owl, although those things are important too. I'm talking about understanding what makes you tick, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and what your goals in life are. By understanding what makes you uniquely you, you will be in a better position to begin living an authentic life. You will be able to express your wants and needs more effectively and begin to see yourself living more aligned with the life you want to live.

2. How often am I checking in with myself? Here is a fun game I play with my clients to see how mindfully they are living. I ask: what did you have for lunch two days ago? The answer reveals so much about how present you are throughout the day. When you are more present in your daily routine, you allow yourself to live less on autopilot and begin to live more intentionally. By checking in with yourself you will be in a better position to give yourself what you need when you need it.

3. Am I working with myself instead of against myself? How much of what you do in your day-to-day is creating happiness, peace, and fulfillment? How much is creating stress, negativity, and emptiness? Begin evaluating your lifestyle to see what feels right and what does not. Choose to fill more of your time with things that energize you instead of drain you. When something doesn't feel right, ask yourself how you can make it better or whether you can create an exit strategy.

4. How balanced is my life? Life will never be 100% smooth sailing, calm seas, and sunny skies. That being said, it also will not always be stormy. Experiencing those challenging days allows us to feel good about making it through and empowers us to appreciate the calm. When you are truly connected to the moments that you are feeling peace, you are able to live in that moment and enjoy it. Choose to find a healthy balance and do your best to maintain it. Acknowledge when things suck and choose to see the positive as well. Working with yourself and knowing when things are feeling off balance gives you the opportunity to catch yourself in real time and make adjustments.

5. How often am I giving to myself? The answer should be daily! Self-care is the lifeline to sustainable peace. It could be an affirmation acknowledging how well you handled a challenging situation. It could be listening to an amazing playlist on your way to work and being truly present with the music. It could be a 5 minute meditation on your lunch break. Utilize all the awareness you have gathered from the previous questions to feed your soul with small and big gifts every day.

I am challenging you to start becoming your own best friend. Begin getting to know yourself better, work with your strengths, acknowledge your weaknesses, find the balance, prioritize your needs, and be generous and kind to yourself.